Overcoming Pride, Jealousy, and Envy

Pride, jealousy, and envy are incompatible with charity. Pride makes a person concerned with their own importance, judgment, and will. Jealousy causes them to fear losing the love, attention, place, or security they already have. Envy causes them to resent the blessings another person receives. Comparison feeds all three by teaching a person to measure their life against someone else's.

These things cannot be allowed to remain in the heart of a people who seek to become one in Christ. A person cannot sincerely love another while competing with them, resenting their good, fearing their increase, or insisting upon their own importance. These weaknesses must therefore be recognized for what they are and deliberately overcome through humility, gratitude, trust, celebration, obedience, and patience before the Lord.

Pride

Pride places self above God or others. It appears whenever a person values their own will, judgment, image, desire, or importance more than receiving truth and obeying the Lord. Pride does not always appear as open arrogance. It often appears in ordinary reactions that protect the self from correction, responsibility, or humility.

Pride can be recognized in defensiveness, stubbornness, excuse-making, blame-shifting, self-justification, resentment, resistance to counsel, impatience with correction, and the need to be right. It also appears through entitlement when a person believes they are owed a particular blessing, relationship, recognition, treatment, or outcome and becomes angry or offended when that expectation is not fulfilled. In each case, the heart is placing its own judgment above the Lord's and resisting whatever threatens its preferred view of itself.

One of the clearest signs that pride is being overcome is the ability to admit fault quickly. A humble person can say that they were wrong without weakening the confession through excuses or explanations. They are willing to ask whether the fault is within themselves before immediately looking for someone else to blame, and they care more about correcting the wrong than preserving their image.

Humility does not require a person to tolerate abuse, abandon righteous boundaries, refuse to protect their family, or remain silent when truth must be defended. The issue is not whether a person ever defends themselves or speaks firmly. The issue is whether the need to vindicate self governs the heart. Pride is overcome when a person becomes more concerned with truth, repentance, and obedience than with proving that they were justified.

Comparison

Comparison measures one person's life against another person's life and then assigns meaning to the difference. It asks who is more loved, more beautiful, more important, more successful, more gifted, more noticed, more blessed, or more valued. Once the heart begins measuring in this way, another person's life stops being something to love and begins becoming evidence used to judge one's own.

Comparison can produce opposite reactions while coming from the same error. A person may compare themselves with someone else and feel superior, feeding pride. They may compare and feel threatened, feeding jealousy. They may compare and feel deprived, feeding envy. They may compare and become discouraged, insecure, resentful, or self-pitying. The problem is not simply that comparison can make a person feel bad. The deeper problem is that it teaches the heart to determine worth and blessing by looking sideways at another person instead of receiving its own life from God.

God does not give every person the same gifts, opportunities, relationships, responsibilities, timing, or experiences. Difference is not proof of greater or lesser worth. Another person's beauty does not make you less beautiful. Their closeness with someone does not erase your own relationships. Their gift does not diminish your stewardship, and their blessing is not evidence that God has forgotten you.

When comparison appears, it should be stopped rather than rehearsed. Return attention to what the Lord has actually given you and what He is asking you to do with it. Gratitude breaks the habit of measuring because it teaches the heart to receive rather than compete. A person who learns to be grateful for their own portion becomes increasingly free to rejoice in the portion given to another.

Jealousy

Jealousy is the fear of losing something already valued. It may involve love, affection, attention, closeness, belonging, position, security, or another relationship that matters deeply. Jealousy interprets another person's gain as a possible personal loss and then tries to protect what it fears may be taken away.

This fear can appear as possessiveness, repeated demands for reassurance, watchfulness, anxiety when another person receives attention, fear of being replaced, or the desire to control how close other people are allowed to become. Jealousy may sometimes disguise itself as protectiveness or discernment, but its fruit is usually fear and control rather than peace. It causes the heart to cling to what it loves rather than love it freely.

Reassurance can be appropriate and loving, but jealousy cannot ultimately be cured by receiving more reassurance. A person who believes love is scarce will eventually need reassurance again because the underlying fear remains. Jealousy is overcome as a person learns to trust the love they have already received and places their security in Christ instead of trying to secure it through possession or control.

When jealousy arises, the person should identify the fear beneath it and bring that fear honestly before the Lord. They should refuse the assumption that another person's gain must become their loss and deliberately remember what has already been given to them. Gratitude and trust do not deny the importance of relationships; they prevent fear from corrupting them. Love becomes healthier as the person learns that another's joy, closeness, or affection does not automatically require their displacement.

Envy

Envy is resentment toward another person's blessing. It is different from simply wanting something good. A person may see a blessing in another life and sincerely desire something similar without sinning. Envy begins when that desire turns against the person who has already received it.

Envy says, in substance, "Why should they have this when I do not?" It may appear as irritation at another person's success, sadness when they are praised, criticism meant to diminish their gift, coldness toward their happiness, or frustration when they receive something long desired. It can also appear as fixation, when another person's blessing is repeatedly rehearsed until it becomes evidence that one's own life is lacking or that God has acted unfairly.

The important distinction is that righteous desire seeks a blessing from God, while envy resents the person who has it. The problem is therefore not solved by pretending that the desire does not exist. It is solved by refusing to make another person's good the enemy of your own hope.

Envy must be brought into the light quickly. A person should acknowledge the resentment honestly, refuse the accusation it is creating against another person or against God, and turn deliberately toward charity. The heart cannot remain united with someone it is secretly resenting. Envy has to be replaced, not merely hidden.

Celebration

Celebration is one of the strongest ways to overcome jealousy and envy because it requires a person to enter another person's joy instead of making that joy about themselves. It is more than remaining outwardly polite while resentment continues underneath. Celebration is the deliberate choice to treat another person's blessing as something genuinely good.

When someone receives a blessing that touches an unfulfilled desire in your own heart, the natural reaction may be to withdraw, compare, become quiet, or focus immediately on what you lack. Charity requires the opposite response. Bless the person. Speak well of what they have received. Pray for their continued good. Participate in their happiness instead of turning inward toward yourself.

This does not require pretending that you have no pain or unfulfilled desire of your own. A person can feel the ache of something they still hope to receive and at the same time sincerely rejoice that another person has received it. Those feelings are not mutually exclusive. The discipline is to refuse to make personal disappointment a reason to diminish another person's joy.

Celebration changes the way the heart interprets blessing. Instead of another person's increase becoming a threat, it becomes an opportunity to love. Instead of another person's happiness producing resentment, it becomes shared happiness. This is how jealousy and envy lose their power: the person learns through repeated practice that another person's good does not need to become their sorrow.

Righteous Desires

Not every desire is good. Some desires come from selfishness, lust, pride, fear, greed, comparison, or the natural man, and those desires must be rejected rather than pursued. Other desires are righteous. They are good desires placed within the heart by the Lord and are consistent with His laws and purposes. A person may righteously desire marriage, children, healing, stronger relationships, reconciliation, greater spiritual gifts, financial stability, meaningful work, greater opportunities to serve, or other blessings that produce lasting joy.

Having such a desire is not jealousy or envy simply because another person already possesses the blessing you desire. You may see another person receive something good and recognize that you desire that blessing as well. The problem begins when their blessing causes resentment, comparison, accusation, or bitterness. A righteous desire seeks the blessing from God while still rejoicing when He gives that blessing to someone else.

Even a righteous desire must remain submitted to the Lord. A person may pray for it, prepare for it, obey the law upon which the blessing is predicated, and confidently expect the Lord to fulfill His promise. But the desire must not become so consuming that everything else is judged by whether the blessing has arrived. It must not produce impatience, manipulation, resentment toward others, or accusation against God because His timing differs from ours.

When the Lord places a righteous desire in the heart, the proper response is faith. Seek the blessing according to His law, prepare yourself to receive it, continue doing the work He has given you, and trust His timing. Another person's blessing does not threaten the fulfillment of yours. God knows the righteous desires He has placed within His people, and as they obey the laws governing those blessings, He will fulfill them in the time and manner He has appointed.

Remove What Stands in the Way

When a righteous blessing has not come, one of the first questions to ask is whether anything within your own control is standing in the way. Sin, neglected commandments, dishonesty, pride, resentment, broken covenants, partial obedience, or refusal to act on something the Lord has already required may prevent spiritual growth and leave a person unprepared for what they desire.

Sometimes the needed change is obvious. At other times disappointment itself creates resistance. A person may become hurt because the blessing has not come and then begin resisting the very instruction, correction, or growth the Lord is using to prepare them. In that condition, the desire remains righteous while the response to delay becomes harmful.

This does not mean that every delayed blessing proves a person is doing something wrong. Faithful people can wait for good things for reasons that have nothing to do with sin. Self-examination is not an invitation to invent guilt. It is simply an honest effort to make certain that nothing known is being defended, hidden, or withheld from the Lord.

If something needs to change, change it. If repentance is needed, repent. If restitution is needed, make it. If the Lord has already given an instruction, obey it. A person should not spend years asking why a blessing has not come while refusing to address something the Lord has already placed clearly before them.

Obey the Law of the Blessing

Every blessing from God is predicated upon a law. The Lord has declared that when we obtain any blessing from Him, it is by obedience to the law upon which that blessing is predicated (Doctrine and Covenants 130:20–21). He has also said, “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise” (Doctrine and Covenants 82:10). These promises are certain. God does not establish a law, attach a blessing to obedience, and then refuse the blessing when that law is faithfully obeyed.

If you desire a righteous blessing, seek to understand the law upon which that blessing is predicated and obey it. If you desire peace, live the laws that bring peace. If you desire revelation, live the laws that bring revelation. If you desire unity, live the laws that create unity. If you desire greater spiritual power, live the laws of obedience, holiness, sacrifice, and consecration by which that power is received. The same principle applies to every blessing God has established by law.

What obedience does not give us is authority to determine the Lord’s timing. A person may be living the law faithfully and still be required to wait. The blessing may come quickly, after years of faithfulness, or in its fullness when Jesus Christ comes. The delay does not make the law uncertain and does not make God’s promise conditional upon His changing His mind. If the law is obeyed, the promised blessing will come in the time and manner God has appointed.

This is why faith requires more than believing that God is able to bless. It requires trusting that He will honor the laws and promises He has given while allowing Him to determine when their fulfillment will be best. Our responsibility is obedience. The timing belongs to Him.

Magnify What You Have Been Given

Unfulfilled desire can make a person live mentally in the future. They may think constantly about the relationship, opportunity, blessing, or circumstance they hope will eventually come and gradually stop seeing the life already in front of them. The result is that what God has already given begins to feel small because attention is fixed upon what is still absent.

The proper response is to magnify the present stewardship. If you desire stronger relationships, become more faithful in the relationships you already have. If you desire greater responsibility, fulfill current responsibility well. If you desire greater resources, govern present resources wisely. If you desire greater spiritual gifts, use the light and gifts you already possess to bless others.

Magnifying what God has already given does not replace obedience to the law governing the blessing you desire. It is part of remaining faithful while you wait for the Lord to fulfill His promise. The people, responsibilities, abilities, and opportunities already in your hands are real, and they should not be neglected because another season appears more desirable.

Gratitude allows a person to desire increase without despising the present. Faithfulness keeps hope from becoming escapism. A person can continue obeying the law connected to a righteous blessing while also fully loving, serving, building, and working with what has already been given.

This Is the Time to Work

Mortality is the time the Lord has given us to be tested, proven, and to do the work He places before us. It is not necessary for every righteous desire to be fulfilled now. Some blessings will come during this life and others will wait, but the work of the present day should not be neglected while we watch for a future promise.

A righteous desire can become a distraction when a person spends more time wondering when the blessing will come than doing what the Lord has already asked. It is possible to become so focused on a future marriage, calling, opportunity, healing, relationship, or other promised good that the responsibilities already in front of us begin to feel unimportant. The desire may still be righteous, but our attention has moved away from the work of the Lord and toward ourselves.

There are seasons when the answer is simply to forget ourselves and work. Serve where the Lord has placed you. Love the people who are already around you. Fulfill the calling, responsibility, or stewardship that is presently yours. Develop the abilities He has given you, repent when He corrects you, and do the good that is within your power today. A person does not need to understand how the present work connects to a future promise before being faithful in it.

The Lord already knows the desires of the heart. We do not preserve His promises by worrying about them continually. We preserve our faith by continuing to obey while the promise remains unseen. The purpose of this season is to do the work He has given us and allow Him to decide when the season of fulfillment has come.

Trust the Lord's Timing

The Lord's promises are often fulfilled through a process that is much slower and less visible than we expect. We may know what He has promised and still be unable to see how our present circumstances could possibly lead to it. Years may pass in which nothing appears to be moving toward the desired blessing. That does not mean the promise has failed. It means we cannot yet see the whole work God is doing.

Joseph's life shows this clearly. He received dreams that pointed toward a future God had prepared for him, yet his life appeared to move in the opposite direction. His brothers sold him into Egypt. He served faithfully in Potiphar's house and was then falsely accused and imprisoned. Even in prison he continued serving others. After interpreting the chief cupbearer's dream, Joseph asked to be remembered, but the cupbearer forgot him. Two full years passed before Pharaoh's dreams finally brought Joseph out of prison and into the position through which he would preserve many lives (Genesis 37; 39–41). At every earlier stage, Joseph could have concluded that the promise was moving farther away. God knew where Joseph was and what each season was preparing him to do.

I have seen this same principle in my own life. For many years I carried a righteous desire to serve God and believed that He had a greater work for me to do. My patriarchal blessing spoke of a season when I would feel that the Lord had forgotten me and that there was no real purpose for me, while also promising that I would perform a great work in the last days and serve faithfully in His kingdom. Year after year, I wondered when that promise would ever be fulfilled.

During those years I served wherever I was given opportunity. I worked in Primary, taught Sunday School, served in less visible assignments, and at times had responsibilities as simple as making sure the church building was secured. Those things were not worthless. People still needed to be taught, helped, and served, and those responsibilities were the work the Lord had placed before me at that time. Yet they did not look anything like the greater work I believed He had promised, and there were many seasons when I felt overlooked and wondered whether that promise would ever amount to anything.

Almost two decades passed in that pattern. I tried to love God, serve His children, live faithfully, and do what was placed before me without being able to see where any of it was leading. In the last few years, my life has changed in ways I could not have planned. The Lord has given me work that I once wondered whether I would ever be allowed to do. Looking back, I can now see that the years in which I thought very little was happening were not years in which God had forgotten me. I simply could not yet see what He was preparing.

This is why delay must not be confused with denial. If God has attached a blessing to a law and that law is faithfully obeyed, He will fulfill His word. What we cannot dictate is the timing. Sometimes fulfillment comes so gradually that we do not recognize it while it is happening. Then we look back and realize that the Lord has been directing our course for years and has fulfilled promises in ways we did not know how to anticipate.

Another person's blessing may come before ours, and their path may look much faster or more obvious. That does not make their life the measurement of God's faithfulness toward us. Our responsibility is to obey the law connected to the blessing, remain faithful in the work presently given, and trust that the Lord knows exactly where we are. He does not forget His promises. In His time, we will see what He has been doing and understand that the years of waiting were still part of His work.